Prelationship

Long term successful relationships don’t just happen – they are built with hard work and dedication over years.  For anyone looking to be in a successful long term relationship, here are three pieces of advice that might help.

1. Be Mutually Supportive

You can’t be in a relationship with someone that does not share your long term goals or vision of success. Think about this: if someone is constantly needing time from you and that interferes with time needed to achieve your goals and dreams, then how long will it be before you start viewing that person as a burden and a nuisance? Both men and women in a relationship need to support one another in love, work, social activities, and around the house.

1. Nurture the Relationship

Just like you tend a garden, removing the weeds, watering, pruning and feeding your plants, a couple must have a regular schedule of relationship maintenance and a willingness to work on keeping the relationship healthy.  Sometimes in peoples’ minds (especially younger peoples’ minds) they think that there is an “auto pilot” setting where they just have to be “in” a relationship and just sit back and forget about it. An example of this phenomenon is the husband who thinks everything is great while ignoring the needs of his spouse. She has either given up on the relationship or believes that expressing what she would like changed would be pointless. Her resentment and disinterest build until she finally announces that she wants a divorce. A couple must actively tend to their relationship to keep it healthy; taking time for dealing with grievances, giving each other their alone time, discussing goals, concerns, etc. There is no “auto pilot;” only the harmony achieved from nurturing the relationship together. When both people are committed to this, it can seem effortless.

3. Foster Effective Communication

You would think good communication would be obvious for a successful relationship, but poor communication skills and or no mechanism for bringing concerns and issues to light, discussing them, and coming up with a resolution for both parties, is probably the most common relationship killer. The key is to bring these things to light in an orderly manner and address them. You may discover an impasse of conflicting deep-held opinions. You may agree that this impasse is “OK” and that you will “agree to disagree” or you may decide that the relationship cannot continue because of it. However, if it is ended by mutual discussion, it is a far more pleasant way to end a relationship than resentful and hurtful words or actions.