Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina. They have been married 85 years (86 in May) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this…. Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104. The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine’s Day to answer some relationship questions. Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more. Good read.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?
H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure. Divorce was NEVER an option - or even a thought.
2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?
We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life - our marriage has lasted a lifetime
3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?
We wouldn’t change a thing. There’s no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.
4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?
Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith - when you meet him, you’ll know.
5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?
Respect, support & communicate with each other.Be faithful, honest & true.Love each other with ALL of your heart
6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?
Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider.The 1920s were hard,but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us.I married a good man!
7. What is your best Valentine’s Day memory?
Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day. Herbert left work early & surprised me – he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!
Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax - the look on her face & clean plate made my day!
8.You got married very young – how did you, both, manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?
“Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together” We are individuals, but accomplish more together.
9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?
Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.
10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?
The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs - together.
11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?
Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra’s mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.
12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?
Remember marriage is not a contest – never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win
13. Is fighting important?
NEVER physically! Agree that it’s okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend - not break!
14. What’s the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?
We are both Christians & believe in God. Marriage is a commitment to the Lord.We pray with & for each other every day.

Relationship Advice: the Danger of the Routine

Author: Daryl Campbell

Remember the early days of your dating relationship? What a time you both had. It seemed like every moment you got together it was music, fun and excitement. Some of your family and friends even hated to see you coming because the two of you were so into each other it made people nauseous. You are probably right when you say they were just jealous. And guess what? Neither one of you could have cared less. The relationship was fresh, spontaneous and exhilarating.

And then it happened. You cannot quite put your finger on when exactly it took place but it happened. Whether it occurred sometime after you got married or six months into your dating relationship is inconsequential. All you know is the music, fun and excitement went on permanent vacation. What took their place? The routine.

One of the mains reasons many couples get blind sided by the routine is the seduction of familiarity. You naturally want to become well acquainted with the other person in the hopes that it leads to greater intimacy between the two of you. That is the point of relationships. Unfortunately, familiarity also inspires a certain amount of self-satisfaction. In other words consciously or unconsciously, many couples tell themselves the prize has been won so there is no need to continue the game.

While some people do not consider this a big deal, in essence it is a planted seed that can spell trouble somewhere down the road. It is only a hop, skip and a jump from familiarity to routine to dissatisfaction.

Now there is no question that your relationship is going to have certain amount of routine due, in some part to circumstances beyond your control; for instance your work schedules may only allow the two of you to get together on specific days and times. However there are things you can do to keep the relationship fresh:

1. The Thrill of the Impulsive

When your relationship was just starting out, spontaneity ruled. The two of you did not even think twice about hopping into a car and going to places you had never been or trying out a new restaurant with food you never heard of. There was something thrilling and wonderful about not knowing what you were getting into yet still having the courage to explore anyway.

Routine tells you to be rational and self conscious. What if people are looking or you run into someone you both know? The answer is “who cares?” Sure being spontaneous may not work out every time but do it anyway and go with the flow. Unplanned adventures big or little have a way of adding excitement and in many cases some serious laughs to the relationship which is very healthy and great way to reconnect.

2. It is Not Your Birthday

Or anniversary or any other major routine event but do not let that stop you from buying small gifts for each other. In fact you can just as easily create your own special days. It could be the anniversary of your third date or the time you both laughed through the worst movie you ever saw. Occasionally giving a small gift for no particular reason lets the other person know that they are always in your heart.

3. Date Again

Not just going out to dinner either because that also can become routine. Instead plan a time outside of your normal schedules and treat it like you did during the early days of the relationship. Get yourselves spruced up. Go at it with the mindset that you are making every effort to make a good impression. Having a special time together at least once a week can throw a beautiful monkey wrench into the routine machine. .

It is nothing out of the ordinary for a relationship to lose some of its zing over time. The problem comes when couples accept the routine as normal and do not do anything to restore the excitement and unpredictability they once had. You can always reverse the process by being spontaneous, give small gifts for no reason other than to let the other person know you love them and start dating again like it is the first time. This all requires constant effort but the payoff of an exciting relationship is well worth it.

About the Author:

Daryl Campbell invites you to get tons of relationship and dating tips, tools, videos, up to the minute information as well as a free copy of 101 Romantic Ideas. It’s all at The Dating Tip

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Relationship Advice: the Danger of the Routine

Relationship Advice: a Simple Mindset That Can Transform your Relationship

Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

In my work with couples over the years, I’ve learned that it’s just as important to take note of what’s working in a relationship than what isn’t. And, although people have different ways of naming it, what many successful couples share in common is the ability to take perspective.

The ability to take perspective is vital to your relationship. Let’s look at some of the ways taking perspective works:

The big-picture mindset

When your relationship hits a lull or rough patch, you become nearsighted. You see all the problems that are close at hand clearly while the other parts of your relationship (which might include a loving history and numerous strengths) becomes blurred. For many couples this can lead to serious problems since their relationship begins to feel broken and hopeless.

If you hold a big-picture mindset, you’re able to experience the trials and tribulations that all couples go through without drowning in them. This is because you’re able to hold onto the other, positive facets of your relationship while you’re dealing with the stressful events. This larger perspective allows you to be upset with your partner in the moment while feeling secure about the relationship.

The awareness of life’s transitory nature

When you’ve encountered pain in your life, you may have heard or recalled the oft-repeated phrase, “This, too shall pass.” For many, the mindset that all experiences — even difficult ones — have a beginning and an end provides comfort. If you and your partner adopt this approach, you’ll be better equipped to weather the stormy periods every relationship experiences, because you’ll hold onto the hope that in time the tides will shift in your favor.

This is a powerful form of perspective-taking. It places all events on a timeline. Have you ever noticed how something can feel so enormous one day yet almost insignificant a few days later? You can use the perspective of “This too shall pass” by asking yourself the following question:

How important is this issue to me today? How important will it a month from now? A year from now?

Answering these questions will help you build greater perspective in your relationship. Note that using this kind of perspective should never become an excuse for not working on issues that are important to you and your partner. This isn’t about developing a laissez faire attitude. Rather, it’s to help you place events in a perspective that will allow you to work on issues in a level-headed manner.

Stepping in your partner’s shoes

Your viewpoint is one reality and your partner’s is another. At times these viewpoints will overlap (and your relationship will feel harmonious), while at other times they will be quite different (causing tension between you and your partner). When differences exist, it’s reflexive to defend your own position and see your partner as wrong or unsympathetic. Since your partner is probably feeling the same way about you, this is a lose-lose situation for your relationship. In these moments couples often become deeply entrenched in their conflicting positions and wage a futile battle.

What do you think would happen if you were to temporarily shelve your well-defended opinions and attempt to see the world through your partner’s eyes? Such a flexible and empathic stance will allow you and your partner to feel connected even while disagreeing with one another. Taking your partner’s perspective (even when you might not agree with him or her) is a surefire way to keep your relationship strong and healthy. I realize this is easier said than done and, once emotions escalate, nearly impossible.

A good rule of thumb is to practice taking your partner’s perspective (while s/he practices taking yours), before things get too heated. You’ll avoid many unnecessary fights and feel closer to each other this way.

Learning to take perspective is just one way to create a stronger relationship. To discover others, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE monthly newsletter. As a bonus, you’ll receive two FREE reports that you can begin using immediately with your partner.

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Relationship Advice: a Simple Mindset That Can Transform your Relationship

Relationship Advice: the Abc’s of Effective Communication

Author: Richard Nicastro, Ph.D.

Communication is the foundation of your relationship. Without it, you can’t really have much of a relationship–just imagine how futile it is to build a house on quicksand rather than concrete. And with healthy, reciprocal communication, your marriage or relationship will continue to evolve in a positive direction.

Therefore, it behooves all of us to understand the fundamentals of communication so that we can apply them to our cherished relationships. It’s easy to lose sight of these fundamentals and wonder why your relationship is in trouble.

Communication basics:

All conversations involve a speaker (the person sending messages) and a listener (the person receiving messages). You’ll need different skills for each role. An effective speaker without an effective listener is like a billboard in a desert. Communication breaks down when you (or your partner) fail to use the different skills needed in the respective roles of speaker and listener.

Let’s look at the fundamentals of each role.

The ABC’s of an effective Speaker:

A: Acknowledgement. Start with your needs.

As the speaker, your goal is to acknowledge your needs and share them with your partner, not to shine a spotlight on your partner. For instance, if you’re frustrated with your partner’s failure to help out around the house, you might say, “I’ve been doing most of the cleaning and it feels unfair to me. I need us to be a team and work together around the house,” instead of, “You never help me. What do you do all day?”

B: Body Language. Be aware of how you send your messages.

All communication includes a what (the content of your message) and a how (how you deliver the content). Body language is the how–the message’s gift wrapping. Very often, this is the message your partner will remember most. The tone and volume of your voice, facial expression, eye contact, and posture will enhance or block your message. Like an email message that ends up snagged by a spam filter, if your body language exudes disinterest, judgement or hostility, your partner is likely to disregard your message.

C: Clarity. Keep your message simple and consistent.

Your message needs to be clear and easy to understand, or else your partner will be confused and unsure of your needs. Clarity begins with knowing what you want to say before you say it. Jumping from topic to topic and/or sending mixed messages violates the clarity rule. Make every effort to stay “on task” while you’re discussing something with your partner. How many of us would be able to internalize a message if we’re unsure of what the message really is, or if we feel overwhelmed by pop-up tangents?

The ABC’s of an effective Listener:

A: Attentiveness. Be attentive and focus your energy on your partner’s message.

As the listener, your job is to show that you are interested in what your partner is saying. This occurs through commonsense courtesy (not answering the phone or checking email while your partner is speaking) and through the unspoken messages you send with body language (eye contact, nodding when appropriate, sitting up straight, not fidgeting).

B: Bite your Tongue. Your job as the listener is to understand your partner’s point of view.

There’s a saying in twelve-step treatment programs that goes something like: Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. As the listener, don’t interrupt or talk over your partner (even when you don’t agree with what s/he is saying). Don’t plan your retort the entire time your partner is speaking. Work on being receptive and open to your partner’s message rather than contemplating counter-arguments.

C: Curiosity and Clarification. Simple questions communicate genuine interest while helping you gain clarity.

When appropriate (when your partner isn’t in the middle of a statement), show genuine curiosity by asking questions–questions that will help you clarify what your partner needs. You don’t have to be Dr. Phil to do this well. The most powerful questions are simple: Are you OK? What can I do? How can I help? When you show curiosity and seek clarification, your partner will feel that you’re engaged and interested.

This simple ABC model of communication can go a long way in helping you become a more effective communicator. To build a stronger relationship, share these ideas with your partner. Practice taking turns as the speaker and listener. Before you know it, your communication ABC’s will become a habit and your relationship or marriage will reap the benefits.

To discover other tips on how to improve your marriage or relationship, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro’s FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter. As a bonus, you will receive two FREE reports that will help you build a stronger, more vibrant relationship.

About the Author:

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.

Article Source: ArticlesBase.com - Relationship Advice: the Abc’s of Effective Communication

Keep the one you love and not take for granted. Do not wait for the early symptoms of breakup before you act to keep the one you love. Long before a relationship gets broken down, you can improve your relationship and ensure that both of you are happy in the process. Learn about relationships and you can hold on to your beloved for as long as you want.

An important ingredient of any relationship is communication. As such, you keep the one you love by always maintaining your communication. Be honest and open so that you can easily sort through any problem that may come your way. Through this transparency, you can improve your relationship and hold on to each other till eternity.

Romantic love works best during the first year or so of any relationship. After that, the feeling wanes and you’ll wonder where it went. You may try to look for it in other relationships but it will be the same story - romantic love fades fast. But when romance fades, commitment comes in. Love is not only about feelings and emotions; it is also about commitment and action. Sometimes, however, such a commitment may prove to be difficult to make especially if it involves sacrifice.

Commitment may also fail from time to time. As such, you need to keep falling in love with each other. There will come a time that both of you will become bored with each other. Especially in marriage, life may be reduced to waiting for paycheck after paycheck, paying the bills, driving the kids to school and driving them back home. Before long, you feel as if the love is totally gone and commitment might not be enough to make you stay in the relationship.

In this case, you need to keep the fires of love burning. You can do this by going to the places you used to go; doing the things that you both love doing and going on a vacation together. You can also try out new things together. One of the best ways to keep the one you love is to do things together that keep both of you happy.

Love needs fuel in order to keep going. You can keep the one you love by always fueling your love with new activities and adventures and by always affirming your love.

Article Source: http://www.articlesnatch.com

As time passes by, the fires of a relationship may die down and if both of the couples do not know how to save a relationship, what was once a thriving and passionate relationship will become mere embers. If you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend or perhaps you have been married for several years now, you should learn how to save your relationship before it becomes irretrievably lost. The following tips are suggestions on how you can keep the love alive and enjoy each other”��s company even after several years have already passed.

Rediscover each other. There are times that you tend to view everything in your relationship as a routine, having to do this and that. What happens is that you get used to each other and you fail to realize that there are still a number of areas in your lives that you have not truly explored. This happens especially when you are already married. The demands of life, the bills that must be paid, and even the burden of raising your kids may become walls that keep you from enjoying your partner”��s company.

The dangerous thing is that if one of the couples tries to recapture the old feeling with a fleeting affair. When you are tempted to start an affair, pause for a while. Ask yourself whether your relationship is worth risking over the feeling of being in love. What about your love for your partner? When you come right down to it, the cost of the affair is not worth your time and your effort.

You might want to have dates at the old places where you used to go - dine at fancy restaurants, walk on the beach, and go to the park. This might work for a time but most of the time, what happens is that you begin to wonder what happened to the feelings you used to have. If this does not work out, then there is still another way you should follow to learn how to save a relationship.

Start going through adventure and good experiences together. When you start doing things you have never tried before, you tend to strengthen your bond together and you will be able to see each other in a new light. You might feel then that you have missed out on each other for quite some time now.

Be creative when you are trying to save a relationship worth preserving. You can buy champagne and turn your ordinary TV viewing time an extraordinary date. You can also try writing sexy messages and surprises everyday. In this way, ordinary things become special and you become more connected with each other. By focusing on the ordinary and turning them extraordinary, you learn how to save a relationship.

Article Source: http://www.articlesnatch.com

Happiness should be a part of relationship. Yet, this may not always be the case. There will be times you feel down you may fight with your girlfriend or your boyfriend. Even married couples discover that their partners are not the best of the species on this planet. That however, should not discourage you from being engaged in a relationship with someone. There will be times that your love for each other will be tested. In worst cases, you might even experience a breakup.

Even before the outset of a breakup, you should try to look for the three signs of a healthy relationship. These signs will let you know if your relationship is still fine.

The first sign of a healthy relationship is that you are passionate for each other. This means that you are still in love with each other as deeply as when you first met. Being passionate with each other also means that you are enjoying each other’s company. This does not necessarily mean that hardly a day passes by without you seeing each other. There may be times that you will be far from each other. True passion, however, is measured by your faithfulness, loyalty and commitment.

Secondly, fighting does not necessarily mean bad if it can settle issues instead of making your partner feeling worse. However some couples may boast that they never fight. You should raise your eyebrows with such pronouncement and ask such couples if they truly know each other and if they are talking with each other. Chances are their answer would be a resounding no.

Don’t worry much if you have differences like most couples. This means that you are transparent and honest with each other. You disclose enough of yourself to generate friction and conflict. If you ever decide to get married, you will need your skills at smoothing out your conflicts and your fights for as long as you stay married.

Lastly, there is no “perfect” relationship. Your relationship is healthy if you know how to sort out your differences and settle your conflicts. But if all you ever do is fight, then something is terribly wrong and breakup is imminent like rain about to fall from an overcast sky.

With these three signs of a healthy relationship, you can gauge your relationship and learn how to prevent breakups and show sincerity between each other.

Relationships fail every day. It could be between spouses, lovers, siblings, friends or even co-workers. Although its a common occurrence, it often appears as a mystery to many. They have no idea what went wrong and no idea how to prevent it from happening again. They go through the endless cycle of repeated disappointment and frustration. Girlfriend problems, boyfriend problems, marriage problems, and general relationship issues all fall into the same category. What usually happens when we find ourselves in a failing relationship is we blame our partner or the other person. But we must come to the realization that its not the fault of our partner if we are unhappy or if the relationship is failing. Its not their job to make you happy anyway. Our unhappiness is a result of the one missing ingredient that is essential for genuine happiness. That missing ingredient is REAL LOVE.

Real Love is unconditionally caring about the happiness of another person.

Its the kind of love that make our unhappiness disappear and makes our relationships become natural and effortless. This real love is evidenced by caring for someone and their happiness without any thought for what we might get out of it for ourselves. When we give real love, we’re not disappointed, hurt, or angry, when people are thoughtless and inconsiderate of you and give you no gratitude in return. In addition, real love does not get disappointed or angry when they make foolish mistakes or when they don’t do what we want them to do.

We all have a deep yearning to feel connected to someone and it is said one of the greatest fear for a human being is the fear of being unloved and alone. When someone shows genuine concern about your happiness we do feel that connection to the other person. We feel included in his or her life and we no longer feel alone. Each moment we spend in the atmosphere of real love creates a powerful bond that fills us will a genuine and lasting happiness that only real love can give. On the contrary in an atmosphere of skepticism and fear you cannot experience happiness no matter how hard you try.

Experiencing real love take time and patience. Its a journey that thousands of people have successfully taken and found genuine happiness and lasting, fulfilling relationships. With real love, nothing else matters; without it, nothing else is enough.

Healthy relationships can sometimes be difficult to maintain when they are filled with drama, conflict, negativity and broken trust. In fact many of the relationship issues experienced by well intentioned partners are a result of one or more of these four factors.

So, you may ask “What does it take to build and build and maintain a healthy relationship?” Well my answer is one that you will probably not like too much because it is this: It depends!

It has been shown that people in long-term, satisfying relationships have the same tendencies to do the following:

Take it Slow, but Consistent - Relationships work the best when people go slow and take their time getting to know each other and are not pressured by their partner to take steps they may not be ready for. Whirlwind romances however exciting usually end in disaster. It also helps to be consistently supportive and encouraging. Inconsistent behavior causes misunderstandings and uncertainty.

Keep Upbeat, Stay Positive - Relationships work the best when both partners express a positive and upbeat attitude towards each other. Genuine displays of happiness and affection go a long way when trying to make a relationship work. By contrast, relationships usually fail when negativity, indifference, and anger become the norm. Just a little negativity can create a lot of problems and issues in a good relationship. It’s not that people shouldn’t express negative feelings but that there are appropriate ways of dealing with negative feelings that work lead to negativity.

Approach Problems As A Team - Couples feel closer and are more satisfied with their relationships when they approach problems and difficulties as a team. Couples who take an US versus the PROBLEM, rather than a YOU versus ME approach to conflict are always much happier in the long run.

Don’t Take People For Granted - Over time, its easy for couples to take each other for granted. At the start of a relationship people appreciate all the things that their partners do for them. However, as time goes on, people tend to expect more, but acknowledge and appreciate less. A partner’s contributions can often be overlooked as normal and routine. To keep a relationship happy and healthy it is important to show appreciation on a consistent basis.

Celebrate Differences - Relationships work the best when partners have a lot in common, but respect and appreciate the differences that do exist. It helps to appreciate and even celebrate someone for who they are and not try to change them or change how they behave.

Be Humble and Approachable - People should feel free to talk with a romantic partner. Sharing what is going on in one’s life and how one feels about issues is important. But, being open with a partner is not always easy because it sometimes requires the partner to tell the truth and to LISTEN to things that may be difficult to hear. Listening for the sole purpose of UNDERSTANDING, not control, evaluation, or judgment is critical to having an open and satisfying relationship.

Express Commitment - Relationships work the best when partners reassure each other of their love and commitment. It never hurts to tell a spouse that you love him or her and that you will always be there. But it’s always good to show them. Make sure that you express your commitment in more than just words but in deeds and acts. Talk is cheap but actions speak much louder than words. Say it then haul off and do it!

So your on a date and you think the time has come to make the big move. Yes, the first kiss! What do you do and how do you approach it?  Well first you need to relax because we have just what you need. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first kiss or you are a veteran these dating tips for a perfect kiss can turn you into an amazing kisser. So keep reading below and learn all the steps to having that perfect kiss.

The Perfect Kiss

Tip 1, Remember the beauty of a kiss is in the approach. So look deeply into your lovers eyes and slowly move your lips closer and closer until you make contact. Then as soon as your lips touch close your eyes.

Tip 2, The most affectionate kiss begins with a light peck, then a head tilt and a passionate kiss. This is a good approach on the first kiss because if your partner is not ready you will know from the peck and save yourself the embarrassment of attempting the passionate kiss.

Tip 3, Relax your lips to keep a nice soft gentle pressure between you and your partner. Tense lips are a sign of rejection so keep your lips relaxed and always be sensitive to your partners lips.  If they are tight and tense it is probably a sign that they are not ready.

Tip 4, Keep yours lips moist, no one likes a dry  or overly wet kiss.

Tip 5, Keep your breath fresh. Avoid unpleasant and distracting odors. Keeping your breath pleasant means no garlic or curry saturated foods. Even if your partner is eating these types of breath-killers, don’t  do it

Tip 6, If french kissing is your thing then remember not to get carried away with it.  Passionate kissing involves probing for a positive response. Start with simple movement and see the response. If the response is favorable linger there for a moment before you change to something else. The beauty of the kiss is the interaction between to two of you. That’s what makes the kiss.

Tip 7, if you are a guy you need to shave if you want to have a perfect kiss. Nothing is more distracting to a woman than a scruffy face, which completely kills the mood for a woman.

Tip 8, If you are a girl with long hair make sure you hair doesn’t get in the way. That can be pretty distracting for a guy.

Tip 9, After every kiss MAKE SURE YOU SMILE. No matter how good or bad it was if you expect to have another chance at it you have got to smile. Let her know you enjoyed it and don’t let them have to ask you.

Tip 10, When you do finally pull away, look your partner in the eyes again. A smile, an embrace, or a whisper letting them know that you enjoyed it are a nice way to end a kiss.

I hope these tips will prove to be invaluable. Check back regularly for more articles and extra advice. Good Luck!