Perfect (P) Relationship

Ever feel like your relationship is stuck in a rut? Ever run into a proverbial “brick wall” with your relationship? Can’t seem to get things in gear and moving forward with your partner? Well, it’s time to build a romance bridge to get over that rut, tear down that brick wall, and get things running in high gear. Here are the tools you will need to do just that:

1. ATTITUDE is your monkey wrench. Get your attitude adjusted first. Lighten up and do a 180-degree about face. Get a positive attitude and eliminate all negativity. Get in a good mood and pass it along to your mate. You have a much better grip on your relationship with a positive attitude.

2. FRIENDSHIP is your all purpose oil and lubricant. Things will go much more smoothly if you go back to being friends now that you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. Just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one another’s company.

3. RELAXATION is the hammer that gets the bumps out. Learn to relax and just be yourself. Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Don’t get hung up on minor issues. Relax and let the hammer beat down the little bumps in your path. Forget the garbage memories of the past and just focus on the here and now.

4. TIME OUT is your magnifying glass. Spend extra time together for awhile, like you did during the early days of your relationship. Get to know each other all over again. That’s the key. Then you’ll begin to see again the reason you fell for each other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat itself.

5. COMMUNICATION is your power drill that can penetrate your obstacles. Take the time to talk through stressful situations. Apply continuous drill pressure slow and easy and keep the drill bit away from subjects that you know you can’t get through. You don’t want to damage your drill bit. Take the time to re-learn to communicate with each other all over again. If necessary get professional help. Seek a trusted friend or adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional counselor. No need to go it alone.

6. GOALS are your T square that keep you on the straight and narrow. It’s so easy to get off course and lose you focus while pursuing your relationship. – Begin to develop goals together so you’ll have a clear direction. Write them down just for the two of you. Over time you can develop them, revise them, cross them off as they are achieved. The idea is to HAVE goals both individually and collectively and support each other as you work to achieve them.

7. SCRAP BOOKS are your buckets and pails that hold all your valuable raw materials. – You memories are your most valuable raw materials. Create a memory album together. Add photos, clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good times.” Try to collect things that appeal a all five senses. Touch, Taste, Sight, Smell, and Sound. Then when tough times come, you’ll have something to “hold on to” - your bridge to romance.

So make sure you have these tools and use them to improve your relationships and go from rut to romance in your relationship.

How can you tell if the person you are with is the one for you? How can you find out where the two of you stand in your relationship? What clues are present that could tell you if the relationship you are in will lead into marriage? What signs are there along the way that will let you know you are headed down a dead end street in your relationship?

Perhaps you feel you are ready to settle down and take the giant step of marriage and lifelong commitment and would like to know if the relationship is going anywhere. How do you find out if the person you are with has the same commitment level as you?

Below are some answers to these nagging questions of where you stand in your relationship. If you are honest with yourself these 7 signs can help you tell how serious and dedicated you and your partner are and how close you are to taking that next step:

1. A sense of oneness sets in. You drop the “I” or “you” and start referring to each other as “we”.

2. A deep bonding set in. There is no one else that you would rather being with than him or her. They are starting to become the most important person in your life. You even cancel dates with your friends and other people because you would rather spend time with him or her.

3. You catch yourself constantly thinking about ways to please your partner rather than yourself.

4. You can visualize your future. You see yourselves growing old together, walking hand in hand along the shore, and taking care of each other. You start thinking and talking more about the future and your goals together.

5. Long term visions begin to surface. You have fun imagining what your children and grandchildren will be like. You feel strongly that it is very important for your family and your ’special someone’s’ parents to get along.

6. You start looking at money in a different way, like thinking about buying a house together, saving for a trip together, spending it on anything that you both can share.

7. You start feeling tired of the single life and start thinking about getting married.

Those who are successful in the workplace are usually The ones with the best attitude. Attitude determines altitude in any area of life. Although the first key to success on the job is Motivation, the second key which is equally important is attitude. Here are a few important tips on the role of attitude in the workplace. Put these tips to use and you will have overwhelming success in your job relationships.

1. It is our attitude at the beginning of a task which more than anything else will affect its successful outcome. Start a task with the most positive attitude you can.
2. It is our attitude toward life which will determine life’s attitude toward us.
3. We are interdependent. It is impossible to succeed without others and it is our attitude toward others that will determine their attitude toward us. You attract what you radiate!
4. Before a person can achieve the kind of life he wants, he must first become that kind of individual. He must think, act, talk, work and conduct himself in all of his affairs as would the person he wishes to become. Focus your mind on the person you want to be and your body will follow.
5. The higher you go in any organization of value, the better will be the attitude you find. High achievers have one thing in common; a highly positive attitude.
6. Your mind can only hold one thought at a time. Since there is nothing to be gained by holding defeated, negative thoughts, hold successful, positive thoughts. “As a man thinketh…so is he”.
7. The deepest cravings of the human being are to be needed, to feel important, and to feel appreciated. Give it all to those around you and they will return it to you.
8. Part of a good attitude is to look for the crap in new ideas and look for the good ideas in all the crap. Learn to see some good in everything and you will quickly learn to identify the bad in everything and make it good.
9. Don’t waste your time broadcasting your personal problems. It probably won’t help you and it can’t help others.
10. Don’t talk about your health unless it is good or unless you are talking to a doctor.
11. Radiate the attitude of well being or the confidence of a person who knows where he is going. You will find good things will start happening right away.
12. For the next 30 days, treat every one with whom you come in contact with as the most important person on earth.
13. Success or failure in any undertaking is caused more by mental attitude than by mental capacity.

Remember to lead with your attitude, support with motivation and follow with enthusiasm. Your relationships will improve drastically and you will quickly rise to new levels of success as you put these tips in to practice.

It is important that we understand the process of relationships; specifically the stages of a relational breakdown. It’s important that we know what stage we are in. Here’s a quick summary of the stages of a relationship.

The honeymoon stage is the one we begin with. We usually have an unrealistic view of the relationship at this point. Obviously what attracts people to each other are their positive qualities. The excitement of finding someone who meets some need in our lives tends to temporarily blind us to their negative traits.

The Irritation stage is the stage where you begin to open your eyes and see things we don’t like. We begin to develop a memory bank of these negative traits. We also see the relationship in a more realistic light You finally realize the honeymoon is over.

The Discomfort stage causes us to deal with the specific irritations that have piled up in our memory banks. We become more open, honest, and transparent about telling someone why they’re making us uncomfortable.

The Overcoming stage is the stage where we try harder and raise our energy level to make a success of the relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s hard to separate the problem from the person.

The Exhaustion stage comes next when we’ve tried as hard as we can and we are too tired to try any longer. We tend to throw up our hands and quit at this crucial point.

The Separation stage is the final stage. By this time the relationship has usually been terminated with little hope of restoration. Usually by the time this happens we are too numb to even care or hurt.

The good news is that this series of stages does not have to be completed. The cycle can be broken. Most often if the process is reversed, it happens during the stage of discomfort. At this point it is still possible to make the decision to accept what you don’t like about a person and to love them unconditionally. As you try harder to overlook a person’s faults, it becomes easier to again focus your attention on their positive traits and return to the honeymoon stage.

Good relationships can be liberating rather than inhibiting if the partners can establish from the beginning certain rules for freedom. Here are six ways to create more space and freedom in your relationship.

First, Be Cautious with your Criticism. A wise man once said “If it is very painful for you to criticize your partner then you are safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that is the time to hold your tongue.” Remember, a large part of our success at relationships comes from our ability to accept human nature as it is. Experts at love are always trying to put themselves in the shoes of their loved ones.

Next, we need to employ the Language of Acceptance. Learn to accept the integrity of our partner and without approving or disapproving what they say, show you accept them by listening and not passing judgment. Let our words always be supportive and not judgmental. Invite open conversation and listen for their true feelings. Respond to their feelings and emotions with acceptance.

Encourage uniqueness. Rather than urging conformity, encourage uniqueness and support their aspirations. Give them freedom to pursue their dreams and always applaud them for thinking outside of the box. Be their number one supporter and never belittle them by comparing them to others.

Allow for Solitude. Don’t be possessive but allow for a person’s need for privacy. The mark of a mature relationship is that you can relax if your partner moves away from you for a while. Be secure in knowing that it is only temporary and don’t take it personal. Learn to discern the signs when a partner needs some privacy and learn to love at a distance.

Encourage other relationships. Jealousy is a green-eyed monster that will destroy your relationship. Remember you never have exclusive rights to anyone. Avoid clutching behavior. You want your relationship to be the finest not the only relationship your partner has. Everyone needs friends, so allow and encourage outside friendships.

Lastly, Be ready for shifts in your relationship and be flexible. Don’t become locked in to the things of the past. Seasons change, people change and, believe it or not, people go through seasons in their life. Dependency levels will shift, depending on the seasons of their life. Healthy relationships maintain elasticity and respond to the shifting needs. Whatever season your partner is going through just commit to being there for them and be willing to adjust yourself and your own dependencies as much as possible. Take pleasure in freely watching each other live and enjoy the journey.