Perfect (P) Relationship

Thinking about marriage or getting serious in your relationship? Here are three things you must know about yourself and about your partner if you’re serious about taking the next step.

1) The first thing you need to know is your temperament and personality style and that of your partner. It’s important to understand what things excite you and what things excite your partner. You need to know what motivates you and your partner so you don’t spend your time pushing buttons that don’t work and expecting your buttons to be pushed. Everyone is different and you must be able to adjust yourself to your partner’s temperament without getting frustrated. If you are a person who likes drama, romance and classic movies you need to know if your partner has the same taste. They may like action, adventure and sci-fi movies that excite them. Knowledge is everything. If you know it, then you can deal with it accordingly and not take it personal if your partner doesn’t appreciate your movies. Then you can properly balance your activities so that they are enjoyed by both parties. A good book on this subject is “Personality Plus” by Florence Littauer.

2) The next thing is a good understanding of your learning and teaching styles and your individual focus levels. Everyone doesn’t learn and teach the same way. There are many people who are active learners and teachers and find it much easier to absorb information what they are active, moving, or stimulated in some way. Many times you find these people with the TV on or playing music while they read or study and always fidgeting with something. To some they may seem hyperactive but to them they are just doing what comes natural for them. Others will require total silence and stillness in order to focus or concentrate. They have a hard time dealing with distractions while they are engaged in something. So it’s important to determine what your learning style is and the style of your partner so you don’t irritate each other. It may be that you need separate rooms to study in or a nice pair of headphones so you can avoid distracting each other. Whatever you do, don’t try to force the other person convert to your style. It just won’t work.

3) Lastly you must know your love language and the love language of your partner. People express and receive love in different ways. Many great relationships are ruined because the partners don’t understand the love language of their mate. The five love languages are best described in the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In order to express heartfelt love and commitment to your mate you must speak their language. Expressions of love in a way that they don’t understand are simple a waste of time. If you learn to speak and understand the unique languages of love and know what language your partner speaks you can effectively express your love as well as feel truly loved in return.

For those of you parents who are struggling with a teen who has a “unique” mix of intelligence, respect, physical ability, good looks, personality, bursts of adolescent tune-out, MTV based reasoning, prefers texting friends over talking to family, constant girlfriend drama, and all of the other crap that comes with having a teenager in the house, We understand.
Believe me, during the adolescent ages it is a 24-7, roll your sleeves up, “hang-in-there with them” approach to parenting! One thing that I’ve realized that helped me to keep my temper and stay calm and patient while raising them through this period, is to recognize that they’re really not trying to drive you NUTS and stress you out on purpose! Physically, their brains and bodies are still maturing, plus their way of thinking is comprised of only a bit over a decade of living. So, quite often through the teen years, they really don’t have the physical and emotional discipline to “see and know” what we see and know.

As parents, it’s easy for us to understand this when our kids are toddlers – 10/11yrs old; but as they progress into the teenage years, we overlook the fact that even though they are aware of more things about life, they still don’t have minds that are ready to cut the mustard for survival. So, in the same manner as with the behaviors of a toddler-10/11 yrs old, teenagers tend to interact with the current moment’s events as if it is “all there is that matters” at the time.

There isn’t a simple, straight-forward approach as a solution, because each child is truly their own individual. Although the good news is that there are common areas that you can take a look at and decide what to do to guide and help settle your teen through this time (with, hopefully, minimal resistance from him). By the way, this is a difficult time for them too! They’re between having power with peers and no power at home which poses a constant internal struggle. It’s easier for teenagers to stay on track and make it through this time if they tend to “blend into the background” and not draw too much attention from their peers. This is certainly not the case with many though. They’re popular and that means drawing (both positive and negative) attention from they’re male and female peers! So, they’re world is full of distractions and drama that has impacted them in such a way that they’re acting it out (and probably doing a good job at it)!

Here’s a point to think about—the degree of success you have in influencing they’re life is determined by how much time and relationship you guys have had throughout they’re younger years. Whatever the dynamic is in this area, is your leverage now (or — sorry to say — lack of leverage).

So, here are some suggestions that you may already be doing, and you should continue—because it’s important to stay consistent and don’t loose courage. In the long run, it’s gonna’ be alright!

1. Keep up with your family traditions! Teenagers start to think that its corny stuff or it’s boring, but stay with it! It’s important to keep them engaged in FAMILY. Right now they’re distracted because the peer pull is strong, but don’t let them fall out of your regular family daily doings and special occasions.

2. Choose your battles wisely. The idea here is they feel like they have no control over what they should do or can’t do, or what they should like or not like, etc. For example, if they want to grow long hair, or dye they’re hair blue, think about letting them do it. Start to find the things that are not harmful that you can allow, so that they can experience a degree of feeling that all things in they’re life are not always a big NO when it comes to they’re parents.

3. Keep your morals, standards, and limits. For example, in our home with the boys it is: no sagging pants; no wearing their “do-rags” out in the street, no phone calls after 10pm on a school night—weekends are different. (We don’t restrict phone usage over the weekends.) We treat each other politely and with respect. For example, when we tell the boys to do something, like take the garbage out, we always express appreciation and say “thank you”.

4. Allow them to respectfully say what’s on their mind, especially when they’re anxious and upset. (Note: teaching them to settle themselves so that they can clearly express their thoughts when they’re upset, anxious, or intimidated is a good life skill that you want them to have.) We let the boys speak to us in the heat of their emotion. Believe it or not, this is an opportunity to teach. If they’re overly excited, we go back to the ground rules and tell them that our deal has always been that they get to say what’s on their mind, but only if they can calm themselves and speak respectfully so that we can hear and understand. Then, even if what they’re saying is crazy, we LISTEN without interrupting (Often in their frustration, they’ll drop significant hints to you about what’s going on inside they’re head and this will help you to know what you’re managing). Stay calm and reply. Sometimes negotiate the solution, at other times, maybe they have a good point. If they have a good point, be sure to acknowledge it – it will build trust that you do listen and confidence in them about themselves. At other times maybe you’ll have to straight up say ‘no’. If you do have to say no, then they’re probably going to be mad, but don’t YOU get mad. DO NOT MATCH THEY’RE EMOTION. Keep calm, tell them you’re sorry that they’re so upset and transition to whatever is normal for how your family relates. For example, react in your normal voice and tell them that you know it’s hard to understand and you know that they’re upset at you, but that’s alright because you’re still loving them while they’re frowning at you, and there’s nothing that’s gonna’ change that fact.

5. PLAY and LAUGH with them and turn up the play and laugh time you all have as a family. Try not to have things too serious most of the time. It will nurture the sense that you are reachable and really “likeable” people as parents!

6. When it really gets heated, keep respect and discipline wisely. I really hope you won’t have too many times like this. Try to use some of the above tactics first before it comes to this last resort. Knowing what to do and how to get they’re attention is the key ingredient to proper discipline. This is different for all teens so you must know they’re personality and emotional makeup to select the right type of discipline. The idea is not to hurt them in revenge but to keep them motivated to do something that they did not want to do!

In closing, I’ll say… It’ll be alright! You hang in there and I know you will.

HAPPY PARENTING!!!!

Have you or someone you know found themselves
in a situation where they would do almost anything
to get back with their ex? You’ll cry, you’ll beg,
you’ll threaten, you’ll promise to change, but
they keep walking.

Ending a relationship and losing someone you
love from your life can be one of the most
frustrating and defining moments in your lifetime,
and it’s hard to know what the right thing to do
is when you are trying desperately to turn things
around.

I get a lot of emails from people claiming that
they have the answer to everyone’s prayers, and
they have the secret technique that is necessary
to bring your partner back, but most I find
lacking. It’s hard to get excited every time I get
a new product on my desk, that was until Mirabelle
Summers from Meet Your Sweet.com asked me to
review her latest ebook.

Mirabelle Summers has recently finished an ebook
which covers all the essential steps necessary to
maximize your chances of getting your ex back,
without the begging, manipulation, or silly games.
Let’s face it, if you and your partner have broken
up and you want them back, you are going to need
to do something pretty special to convince your ex
that it’s worth another chance, and that things
are going to be different this time.

The problem with getting your ex back is that
often your first instincts are the ones that are
likely to do the most damage. Begging, crying,
pleading, threatening, getting another partner to
make them jealous, doing anything to get the
attention you are craving, are all things that are
going to reinforce the fact that the breakup was
the right thing to do.

That’s why Mirabelle Summers’ “2nd Chance - How To
Win Back The Love Of Your Ex” is different.
Summers and her stable of writers at
MeetYourSweet.com have come up with a 6-step
program that is going to take you from getting
through the immediate grief, to thinking about
what happened, all before initiating contact,
knowing what to talk about, and steps for putting
love into practice.

If you are serious about rescuing your
relationship and winning back the love of your ex,
this 6-step plan is going to deliver something
pretty substantial. In addition to her
comprehensive 6-step system, she also answers key
questions covering topics such as:

An Uncommunicative Ex  ‘Just Be Friends’ Zone
Getting Over Past Mistakes When Your Ex is with
Someone Else Dealing with an Emotionless Ex Do
They Still Love Me?

When I took a look at how much information is
in here, I was truly impressed. This is no
ordinary ebook. At a whopping 174 pages, it’s
much, much more. Mirabelle has really given it all away
with her 6-step system. This ebook is guaranteed
to assist even the most desperate relationship
situation!

If you want to win back the love of your ex,
there is no room for mistakes or techniques that
are going to do more damage than good. You need to
develop a considered and genuine approach to
winning your ex back, and that’s exactly what
Mirabelle Summers’ “2nd Chance - How To Win Back The Love Of
Your Ex” will do. It’s the first place I would
turn to rescue a relationship.

But don’t take my word for it, see for
yourself! Check out the ebook and much more at:

http://www.meetyoursweet.com/2ndchance/

I promise you will learn something from this
ebook, and it may be the best investment you have
ever made! Win back your ex and rebuild your love.
Do it right this time!